I am forty-six-years-old and today I got braces.

Yes, I am wearing braces in the photo with my BFF from high school. How apropros...

Today's the day, Dr. Hessam Rahimi at Fusion Orthodontics said, grinning at me. You would have thought I was getting a big fat check. But no, what he was about to deliver was a big fat set of braces in my 46 year old mouth.

Are you scared? He asked.

I guess not, I said

We admire courage he said

I already already had all the X-rays and photos done. Thank God they didn't have to do any molds like they did in the old days. That is the 70s. The last time I had braces. For five shitty years. Including head gear. And now my teeth are effed up again. Why oh why didn't I wear my retainer??? Not that I'm bitter or anything...

Don't hate me, he said as he tapped my arm and called his assistant Laura over to get to work. How could I? was all I could think. The doc is handsome and sweet and had done a beautiful job on my daughters teeth. Who, by the way, was WAY too excited about me getting braces. Way. Too. Excited.

Nothing's going to hurt right now, the doc promised as Laura leaned in. And the doc was right. It was super uncomfortable. What with the sand blasting my molars to create friction. The washing. The drying. And the cheek expanders. Oh how I loathe the cheek expanders. They look terrible. They feel terrible. And combined with the triangles that were laid against the inside of my cheeks and the suction tube that I was biting down on, even watching Finding  Nemo and then Frozen did not help. And they usually fix everything.

Laura was great. She explained every single bingle step and kept telling me what a great job I was doing. It was a lot. But it was very sweet and I get it. I'm a grown up at a kids dentist and orthodontist. Although, I have to tell you, I was one of three adults there today getting our late in life perfect smiles on.

And just over an hour later I was done. The crazy part is, you can't even really see them in photos or from a distance. They're clear with a white coated wire. Now up close you can see. I can't close my mouth completely and the letters B and M are out for the next six months. But it's a small price to pay.

By the time I went to bed, I was doing fine. I also had two pink drinks with vodka so I'm doubting that didn't hurt. And I managed to eat ramen and even some duck using my molars only. Again, with a little help from my friends - vodka one and vodka two.

So, so far so good. Stay tuned for more Jenny gets braces adventures. The good, the bad, and the drooling.





Disclaimer - Dr. Rahimi at Fusion Orthodontics offered to do my braces at cost in exchange for my sharing my adventure in braces. The deal is though, I get to tell the truth, even if it's not so pretty. So rest assured, nothing about this ride will be candy coated, especially not with anything sticky, for sure.